This week I had to recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag for vacation bible school. As I did this 4 times, I truly felt like a fraud. I just didn't feel like an American citizen. I felt no connection to the flag. I felt no pride in holding my right hand over my heart. In fact it felt more like a waste of time. Why was I pledging my commitment to the flag of the country that kidnapped, enslaved, tortured, murdered, and terrorized my ancestors? In my true heart of hearts, I wanted to snap that flag pole and throw that flag to ground.
Tonight, my feelings were validated. Tonight I understand how my grandparents would have felt in 1955 hearing the verdict of Emmitt Till's trial: Disgusted, Weary, Outraged, Silent Fear.
Just thinking about it, about this verdict in Trayvon Martin's case, it just puts a pit in my stomach. What will this mean for black people? Will we be safe? Must we live in fear of all things white... again?
I'd rather not even take my mind there.
But right now. I feel like a foreigner in a strange land. This nation is not my home.