Nov 10, 2013

Tired of Drama

I've just been thinking and praying, thinking and praying all week. And the more I think I can intervene or be an instrument to change... the more I feel that it's not worth my time or energy.

You can't change people. Especially people who have formed opinions about each other and taken sides. People who only wish to have titles and positions, but have no desire to be trained or educate themselves more about discipleship. People who care more about popularity than each other. It's pitiful. It's sad.

It's only by God's grace and mercy we're still standing, but what are we really standing for? What are we really about? We say real nice things and catchy phrases, can pontificate upon scripture after scripture, but we rarely say hello or genuinely smile at each other.

I'm am so tired of hiding behind this fake, generalized smile. The fact is, I am not happy. I am not satisfied. I am not at peace in my spirit. I am not comfortable in the place that should feel like I'm coming home, but yet every Sunday I feel like a stranger in a far away land.

I know God's voice. I KNOW GOD'S VOICE! Yet when I am in the place where I have come to worship, I rarely hear Him. Only in those instances where He has to speak to me to quench this burning sad pain in my soul do I hear Him in His house.

He know's how tired I am. He knows how I desire, rather how I thirst for this barren spirit to be quenched with His word at home. Yet when I am at home, I am judged. I am vilified. I am condemned. And then I'm sent away... still empty, still dry, still barren. I never leave with a smile.

And no one ever listens! Everyone has their part to say, but they never listen. If they did, they would know how I feel. How many of us feel. But they don't care. And if they do, they never show it because they want to be with the "in crowd".