My ex has recently hitting me with sporadic text messages out of the blue. I can't express the rush of emotions I dealt with over just a few words. From anger to indifference to worry.
Sometimes your past wants to piggyback onto your future. I am learning how to cut off from the weight of my past. There's some things and some people I had let go of but I never officially cut the cord. So there was always a glimmer of hope or change. But now... the past things need to die.
I'm no longer going to be the care manager of past mistakes and past relationships. I can't keep reliving the hurts nor the disappointments. I can't change the past. I can only focus on the present and have joy that God has, is, and will bless me beyond all I could ever want or think.
And then learning or rather beginning the process of forgiveness. Wow! I didn't think I had so much disdain or dislike for certain people until I really got down and examined myself. God had to reveal some of the things in my heart that were separating me from experiencing the fullness of love, joy, and peace.
I'm just ready to smile in the sun and just enjoy my life.