Jul 17, 2012

I'm Gonna Stop Putting Chains on my Future

Last night, I put some thing for sell on Ebay. Just some things that I knew I was never going to use. Some glasses, some computer games, some appliances, and some books, specifically wedding books.

At a time in my life I was so sure I was going to marry this one person, I went wedding book and magazine crazy! I bought every bulk lot on Ebay I could find and was going to bookstores buying 5 or 6 mags at time. Well I got rid of the mags a few years ago and sold some of the books... but I kept holding on to about 10 or 12 books in hopes that maybe I'd plan someone's wedding or actually work things out with him.

Well... I haven't planned any weddings... and things did not work out with the ex... but I kept these books. Last night (or rather this morning because I couldn't sleep) I just said let's get rid of these books! So I grabbed all of the books and laid them out... time to let go. So 6 of the books, took the photo, and put them up for sell. No problem.

Then I got the last 5 books and laid them out. I looked at these 5 books. I set them up. I looked again. These last 5 books. I should really let them go. I don't need them. These last 5 books. Somebody else can use them. I'll never need them. These last 5 books. I started to sweat a little... got hot in the room for some reason. I went to the kitchen to get some water. Came back and the books were staring at me. I picked up one of the books and read the title... "Readings for African American Weddings" I told myself again... I won't need this book. I'LL NEVER GET MARRIED.

That's when I heard the bars slam in my head. CLANK, CLANK. I heard the chains rattle on my soul. I stood there looking at those last 5 books getting ready to shrug my shoulders and just give these books away...

And then I heard a voice that wasn't mine, clearly say to my heart... "YES YOU WILL". And for the first time in a long time, I listened. I actually believe it this time and I feel it in my veins. I suddenly realized that I had sentenced myself to a lifetime sentence. I put myself in a mental prison based on my current circumstances.

So I'm learning... the next time I decide what my forever will be... I need to consult with the Management first... He has higher plans for me.

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