Jun 30, 2012

I'm Almost 30. Damn.

I try not to pity myself... or feel down and depressed. I try I really do.

I try to think on higher things, heavenly things that are more than myself.

But I do get distracted sometimes and I start to think about me. I get stuck on my problems and start focusing on a way to fix it.

Focus, Focus, Focus.

And then I get frustrated. I get busted and disgusted because I can't figure it out... I can't immediately fix the problems in my life like I want.

Why! Why! Why!

Then I cry. Or I sit and look at the ceiling. Wondering.

Or really, I'm Wandering.
Still trying to find a way. A way to make it.

The reality is... I don't know. Even through this mighty sense of self of who I am and who I want to be and what I want to leave behind. Presently...

I'm just here.

Working my butt off for the paycheck to payback the pay I got to make the paycheck in a field I didn't even go to school for but I should be grateful I even have a job right?

Shit.

I don't feel bad about being angry. I did everything right.
Didn't get pregnant... Didn't do drugs. Rarely drank (and got drunk). Cursing? Heck No! Went straight into college after high school and yeah, I graduated too!

But where does that leave you?
In debt, single, no kids, lacking the experience of smoking marijuana because they do random drug tests at your job.

*sigh*

I'm almost 30.

1 comment:

  1. I hope you come in to more fulfillment soon!

    ReplyDelete