Tradegyis not Entertainment

Tragedy is not entertainment. When those who we consider to be celebrities or entertainers continue to promote themselves at the expense of others pain, it shows their lack of humanity. 

The Worst Feeling

One of the worst feelings in the world is looking into a child's eyes and knowing they need help but they are too afraid to tell or have been told not to tell.

I have been that child; the one who was too afraid to speak about the pain and hardship I was enduring personally because I was told that my family would be harmed if I told. My mother had to force me to open my mouth and tell my truth. When I finally did, relief rushed over me, the tears fell, and help came.

There are millions of children in this world whose youthful spirits have been broken by the effects of hunger, physical abuse, mental abuse, homelessness, financial hardships, bullying, absentee parents, divorce, acts of violence and war, and death.

Their eyes water with fear.
With closed mouths, they scream out to you.
HELP. PLEASE HELP.
But there is no sound.
Crying out to you, reaching for your hand.
Though their hands are clasped and arms crossed.
Are you okay? What can I do? Do you need help?
I can hear their hearts beating.
Brother. Sister. A small glance.
How do they know?
The pinch, the kick, under the table.
Don't say anything or they'll take us away.
They'll separate us. We'll never see each other again.
Don't say anything.

I Miss Real Television Sitcoms

I was thinking about TV shows when I was a child/teen. Even though I was hypnotized by television, I was actually inspired by and learned from the shows I was allowed to view (catch that ALLOWED in your spirit parents). Anyway, TV actually inspired me to go to college; taught me how to use my imagination and creative faculties; it made me excited about growing up and becoming a responsible adult. Television made me want to go out into the world and live. It was like television was reaching into my home, encouraging me to go out and do greater things.

I'm not so sure about television now. It just seems like it produces this entitlement to fame and riches spirit in people. I don't know about you but I end up more depressed after watching most times. If I watch a show nowadays, I try to find that show that is the most fictitious and imaginative, or at least has good writing and character development. I miss the days of the family sitcom where they sometimes deal with real life issues and the live studio audience laughs or says "Awwww", then claps sympathetically because they relate to the character, (or because a producer told them to do so).

Anyway, I miss TV. Real TV.

Time for a Vacation (Impromptu Poem at Work)

Time for a Vacation

Loose me from this desk of despair!
I just need to getaway from here
From this place of stress and work
I want to feel the sun on my face
Freedom from florescent lighting
The earth beneath my feet
Liberation from laminate floors
The wind blowing through my kinky hair
I want to feel the peace of relaxation
And breath. And breath. And breath.
Breathing without thinking, without interruption.
I need to be far away from direction.
Doing what I want to do.
Feeling lost in leisure
The pleasure of not clocking in

Disappointment, Life, & Birthday Cake

Sometimes I forget I'm over 30 and get frustrated when I receive invites to 30 & over events. Like, "I can't go to that, I'm only..." and then reality hits me. "Oh yeah, that's right." I can remember being in my teens just waiting in anticipation to turn 16. Like it would be the age of a new Renaissance for all the people of the world. When my birthday came, I expected people to be so excited for me. Oh I dreamed the night before of a surprise party with family and friends.  Practiced my surprise expression throughout the day, believing in my heart that at the age of 16, I was special enough to be thought of in such a way. But no party, no surprise. I remember having to tell people it was my birthday.  Thinking on it now, it took everything inside of me not to cry in that moment. I remember going to Walmart of all places and purchasing a Sweet 16 charm for myself, telling myself it was from my dad.

I think my cousin was the only one to give me a birthday card and it made me feel important, like I had reached a turning point.  Hey I was old enough to get a birthday card! Awesome! Everyone wants to feel like they are loved and thought about at some point in their life.   Every milestone age then after 18, 21, 25, then turning 30, I kept up this high excitement for my birthday,  only to be let down. I went as far as telling people I wanted a surprise birthday party. I basically put the whole theme down on paper to be executed,  but surprise,  surprise: no party. And it's my fault for allowing that to be a personal disappointment. I have never been at the forefront of the people I love most minds as a person who needs to be helped, encouraged, or celebrated. I've always had to give of myself more than what others give to me. I never was picked first for anything.

I'm more likely an above average thinker with a lower middle class attitude about life. I have such grandiose ideas about my future and how I can make the world a more tolerable place, but then I have my logical, more skeptical mind that puts my technicolor dreams into black and white. This may sound like a pity party... and it is! Who else is going to throw a party for me? No one.

I whine a little. I get it out of my system and go on to live another 24 hours.

This year as my birthday draws nearer, I can't lie,  I'm excited but I'm not expecting anything or anyone to do anything for me either. It only takes one person to blow out the candles.