In the Wake of the Trayvon Martin verdict...

America Not For Me

By Donita Binford

For the millions who were kidnapped from their homeland

For the hundreds of thousands whose bodies are buried under the oceans

For the enslaved who were whipped and tortured

For the women who were raped

For the men who were emasculated

For the history and culture that was destroyed
For the auctioned fathers,separated mothers, and lost children

For every dark hanging body in the sun

For every dog bite and bruise

For every march and sit in

For the burned bodies of 3 little girls in Alabama

For the mutilated body of a young boy in Mississippi

For the videotaped beatings and the riots that ensue

For every bullet that flies tonight in Chicago

For the sidewalks and cul de sacs in Florida

For every child who dies by violence

Why must we suffer still?

Why are we always at war?

Where is our peace? Where is our justice?

No place is safe for Black skin.

The Bandaids were Temporary

Today has been a difficult day for me.

Emotionally.
Mentally.
Spiritually.

When you're sitting at a computer all day doing the same tasks over and over again, it's easy to find that your mind wanders off to some corner of your psyche. I kind of hate that because those are the times that I start to reevaluate my life and it's current state. Most normal people would probably start thinking about chores or errands. I'm at my desk trying not to cry because I'm having a revelation about myself.

Walking through the hallways at work, sometimes feels to me like I reenacting my journey through life when I'm going through this thought process. Looking into the eyes of coworkers and children... I try not to burst into tears. I try to smile. I try to hide the emotional distress I feel on the inside. I don't know if I do this very well or not. No one has ever asked me "What's wrong?"... so I must be doing okay.

I got home from work ate some candy and proceeded to fall asleep for like 4 hours. I had plans to wash clothes... I think it's too late now, but I'll be up late anyway so I guess I'll pop a load into the machine. But even after that nap or crash really... my mind is still whirling and my heart is heavy.

It's so hard to tell everyday people your life's struggle. Everyday people seem to think they can solve your life's problems in one day. But a life problem, you struggle with it everyday and everyday people don't understand your life's past, present, and tomorrow.

Today I made the decision to seek professional counselling.

I'm not crazy but there's some things that have happened in my life that are crazy and I need to speak on these things. I need to speak on them in a way that doesn't make me want to cry at the very thought of the situation or makes me burn with anger at the very sight of the person.

Sometimes you think your wounds have healed but when you poke the wounds, you find that the spots are still tender. Worse yet you find that your wounds are infected, trying to drain out the bacteria.

My wounds have opened back up. From childhood. This one thing has affected everything else about me and I want it done. I want it healed. I want this part of my life to be closed. To have it's finish. To have no more control over me or my future.

Learn and Listen with Wisdom

I have these eloquent thoughts in my mind sometimes and when I finally get down to my computer to express them here, I either can't remember or I can't translate them into words.

Those are the times I know God is speaking to me and only me. And the wisdom that He is imparting is for me at that moment and for the rest of the world at an appointed time.

It is  not a good thing to share everything you know. Some people are so anxious and needy for attention, the first moment they hear something they didn't hear before, they need to go and tell everybody about it.

Sometimes we all need to sit down and process what is really being said and going on when we hear the things we hear.

Processing means we have to take the time and understand. Either by asking questions, doing research, or putting other background information together to come to a competent conclusion.

We need to have patience with each other. We should be able to actively listen to one another where each person feels that they have been heard.

We all need help or will need help at some point in our lives and there will be a point when we will need to cry out for someone to help us. Let's learn to listen with wisdom so when we are needed we will know what to do.

Stay Paying Attention

Yesterday...

North Korea is planning to declare war on South Korea.
A U.S. Diplomat was killed in Afghanistan.
A shooting spree killed 13 in Serbia.
Bird Flu is spreading in China.
3 children died after a wall of dirt fell on top of them.
Iran opened up a Uranium processing facility.
An Earthquake hit southern Iran.

Meanwhile on news casts & televisions around and in the United States...

Beyonce' and Jay-Z are frolicking around Cuba for their anniversary.

If I Wrote a Memoir of my Life...

If I was to write my own memoir, I would also do the audio reading as well, but I would insist on not releasing the book until after I was dead because the final line would be... "And then I died." I would choke up, gasp, and you would hear a thump like I fell on the floor. Then you'd hear nurses, doctors, and medical staff. And then silence....

But just to creep you out you would begin to hear ominous laughter after like 45 seconds of silence.... and then I would say... "I'm not dead, I'M BEHIND YOU!!!" And hopefully you're not driving because that would really cause some accidents... but since I would be dead already... you couldn't sue me.