Jun 30, 2012

I'm Almost 30. Damn.

I try not to pity myself... or feel down and depressed. I try I really do.

I try to think on higher things, heavenly things that are more than myself.

But I do get distracted sometimes and I start to think about me. I get stuck on my problems and start focusing on a way to fix it.

Focus, Focus, Focus.

And then I get frustrated. I get busted and disgusted because I can't figure it out... I can't immediately fix the problems in my life like I want.

Why! Why! Why!

Then I cry. Or I sit and look at the ceiling. Wondering.

Or really, I'm Wandering.
Still trying to find a way. A way to make it.

The reality is... I don't know. Even through this mighty sense of self of who I am and who I want to be and what I want to leave behind. Presently...

I'm just here.

Working my butt off for the paycheck to payback the pay I got to make the paycheck in a field I didn't even go to school for but I should be grateful I even have a job right?


I don't feel bad about being angry. I did everything right.
Didn't get pregnant... Didn't do drugs. Rarely drank (and got drunk). Cursing? Heck No! Went straight into college after high school and yeah, I graduated too!

But where does that leave you?
In debt, single, no kids, lacking the experience of smoking marijuana because they do random drug tests at your job.


I'm almost 30.